How sexuality conflicts are quietly breaking relationships apart
A new study identified a surprising factor that is undermining relationship satisfaction and stability: the inconsistency between a person’s sexual identity or attraction, and whether they are in a same-sex or different-sex relationship.

A hidden inconsistency is quietly destabilizing relationships.
Sociologists from the University of B.C. and Lancaster University have identified a surprising factor that is undermining relationship satisfaction and stability: the inconsistency between a person’s sexual identity or attraction, and whether they are in a same-sex or different-sex relationship.
It’s more widespread than you might think, and as the study published today in Sociological Science reveals, it carries profound consequences for relationship outcomes.
Complexity below the surface
Many people assume that sexual identity, attraction and partnership naturally align. But the research, drawing on data from over 3,500 U.S. adults tracked between 2017 and 2022, paints a much more complicated picture. Approximately 41 per cent of women in same-sex relationships experience some form of identity or attraction inconsistency; that is, they feel an attraction to people other than women. Meanwhile, in different-sex partnerships, about three per cent of men report same-sex attraction, and two per cent identify as not straight.
This phenomenon is widespread, cutting across all relationship types and demographics.
“This inconsistency between individuals’ sexual identity or attraction and the type of partnership they are in is an understudied, hidden phenomenon,” said co-author Dr. Yue Qian, a UBC associate professor of sociology.
The toll on relationships
The study also underscores the impact of these sexual inconsistencies. People with inconsistencies between their sexual identity or attraction and partnership type reported significantly lower relationship quality. Men in different-sex relationships who reported same-sex attraction or identified as not straight were particularly affected, with their relationship satisfaction scores dropping 0.4 to 0.5 points on a five-point scale. The odds of their relationships ending were 1.8 to 2.2 times higher than those without these inconsistencies.
The strain likely comes from long-standing social rules about how different-sex relationships are “supposed” to be, Dr. Qian said.
“Society has established expectations for how different-sex couples should behave, but less so for same-sex unions as they have just gained legal and social recognition in recent decades,” she said. “Especially if we think about men, their heterosexuality tends to be closely regulated by rigid societal expectations.”
For women, the story was slightly different. Women in different-sex relationships were much more likely than men to experience attraction inconsistency, at 11 per cent vs. three per cent, but the impact on their relationship stability was less severe. This could be attributed to societal double standards that tend to allow greater flexibility in women’s sexuality compared to men’s.
Bisexual people caught in a ‘straight jacket’
The experiences of bisexual people often fall through the cracks, but they accounted for a significant portion of the inconsistency. Among those in different-sex partnerships, four per cent of women and two per cent of men identified as bisexual, and 10 per cent of women and three per cent of men reported bisexual attraction.
Bisexual respondents reported lower relationship satisfaction and had higher breakup rates than their straight counterparts in different-sex relationships or gay/lesbian counterparts in same-sex relationships. This finding seems to suggest unique challenges bisexual people can face in navigating relationships within society’s binary framework.
“There is a tension between popular understanding of relationships in our society and the diversity of human sexuality,” said Qian. “Legislation, for example, often classifies relationships into either a same-sex relationship or a different-sex relationship, but human sexuality is much more complex than the straight-gay binary.”
The authors highlight the importance of supportive environments for those grappling with inconsistencies. “It is important to emphasize that if people experience sexual inconsistency, it does not mean they are confused or not serious about their sexuality,” said co-author Dr. Yang Hu of Lancaster University. “Rather, the inconsistency reflects the complex nature of human sexuality.”

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Journal article: https://sociologicalscience.com/articles-v12-3-51/